Last Train to Splitsville

These posts are related to the end of my 35 year marriage to Rita (Cooper) Cusack. I am not the first or the last guy to have his heart broken by the experience of love lost, but that does not change much when you are in the middle of this type thing.

Everything feels tentative, and there ARE many unknowns on the part of us both. One thing I know to avoid is speculation on "What if". W.I. this, W.I, that...
Let me make it through this day, and not do anything too stupid... that's good enough.

Being around Son has given me strength. Hearing the problems he has to cope with (many are huge) I think "my challenges are pretty straight forward" I just got to get down and tackle them.

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UPDATE

Years later I look back at how some close to me seemed to admire the resilient way I came through the breakup. Here is the secret: (put your face closer to the display)

"Moving forward" is kind of my super power. I haven't forgotten the past, I just don't pull it along with me. The windshield is large, the rearview mirror is small. There is a reason for that. Set aside 10% of your energy to honor the past, 90% to take on the future.  

Life in Which World?

I don't think of myself as an alternative lifestyle person, but sometimes I wonder...
Like when I have to kill time before a meeting or appointment and wander into the Galleria, or find myself holed up in a hotel for two days with cable television for company.

The overload of marketing stimuli in a modern shopping mall is like a horror flick in 3d to me. Good God, you mean I have to buy all this stuff to validate my existence?
Same with the cable TV. The Springsteen song comes to mind: "57 Channels and Nothing On". All that bandwidth to fill, and this stuff is the best they can come up with?
OK, it DOES occur to me whenever I find myself feeling like a stranger in a strange land, "I must be in the wrong demographic." And maybe that is what is happening here.

Are these people in the right demographic going to be alright?

Celebrity's Memoirs

 I've been listening to various actors, rock stars, etc. tell their stories in audio book form for a couple of years now. I find it interesting to learn about the arc of some of these folk's lives.

 BTW, I only spend my time with people I find interesting, this eliminates about 9/10  of the 'stars' in People or Us magazines. Full disclosure; I actually get both of these rags despite the fact I never ordered them. OK, OK, I do crack them open for a perverse look at how Celebs are Just Like Us! only thinner, way more beautiful, and just... glamorous!!

Who have I listened to and enjoyed hearing about? 

Bruce Springsteen

Steven Van Zandt

Matthew McConaughey

Nick Offerman

Among many others

I look forward to hearing about how they were influenced by Dad, Mom, Coach, whoever and took a leap into the Big Time after eating cold beans out of a can for two years. (So to speak). The mechanism of rags to riches / fame and fortune. fascinates us all right?

Well, gentle reader, I have decided to do my own story here in these blog pages. 

Stay tuned for the did and the didn't of my career. 

Yes, all you people that ask: 

"Cubil, What happened?"

 with a sad tone in your voice will finally find out 

That yes: 

I did write write, record, and release a number of my own songs - and people liked them!

I did travel and play some tony (and tiny) gigs

I did appear on television many times, even national TV

Performed in front of  +50,000 fans multiple times... as well as (basically) empty rooms

But I'm getting ahead of myself. 

I'm looking forward to figuring out what happened myself, this could be fun!

Unexplored Worlds

 

I had a request for an early morning tuning at a school. I wasn't happy about it, 'don't consider myself an early morning person. I got to the school, knocked out the piano tuning, and split before 9am. Low on groceries, so a stop by the Kroger was in order. Wow! Nearly empty parking lot! It dawned (NPI) that there is a whole early morning world out there I have been sleeping through. It brings to mind the late night world I once inhabited years ago in my 20's. 

Some stores stay open late, so I would do some shopping at 1am- 2am. Wearing my tuxedo (lounge band attire) having the store pretty much to myself and whatever other weirdos happen to be there.

The great thing about early up and at'em is you feel soo productive! Puttering can take 7/8 of our lives if we let it. When you're done, you realize you haven't really done anything but waste time.

Marriage

 "What do you Love Most about Your Spouse?"

That was the question on the website. I smiled thinking of her. I've smiled when thinking about her since the day we met. 😊

It is due to the way we connect. (Amazingly well). 

The sound of her voice.

Her laughter. - I really do love that...

Her compassion for people and animals.

Her fashion sense - a good dresser, and pretty woman to boot!

What I love most honey is all the things you are.

Love and Death

 Ah, Love and Death, two of our most compelling subjects. They seem to come together for real when death shows up. 

Death of someone we have known is sad and unfortunate. We feel for that family experiencing grief. It gets real  when it is someone close to us, like a member of the family. Often that member is of another species (our pet). Although as I get older, less so.  

When I think about all the animals we've had in our home (as an adult) it adds up quick. My first was a bull terrier at the young age of 19. Since then, something like 10 other dogs have been under my roof, often two at a time. A pet is a lifelong relationship. Theirs, not yours. When the end of their life comes, it's on YOU. 

You have probably figured out where this is going... yep, a four footed member of our household has stepped on a rainbow.  

He had been sick with a tumor for over a year, and the tumor (in his neck) crushed his esophagus making it impossible to eat or drink. His mind and his heart were strong all the way to the end. 

I too have an esophagus issue, but not the scope of dog (Jack White). I can mostly eat (carefully) and rarely choke. So I identified with his issues the whole past year. I also identified with his tendency to obey a command - if he agreed with it. The past year was spent wondering when it had gone on long enough to be a mercy ending his life for him. 

Months ago it seemed his quality of life had diminished to the point that the 'last ride' was upon us. But like the Monty Python scene when I was about to put him in the car he perked up, tail wagging, all enthusiastic. THAT wasn't going to work. 

Even on the morning we did go, he was calm, low energy, jumped down from my arms to smell the smells. I thought "here we go again". But we got through it with no more bursts of energy. Just as the doctor was coming at him with his shot, Jack began choking (as he has been doing every 5 minutes for months). Odd how that was reassuring to me that we were at the right place at the right time.

All life-long relationships end in death (or they wouldn't be life-long). It's sad, but it's a poetic sadness. Like the great truth that it is.   

Year of the RV

 Yeah, so we spent Covid year doing some tent camping, that was nice, but not as comfy as we would like while enjoying the great outdoors. Spousal Unit and I have talked about getting a travel trailer but not really done much but window shop (or Craigslist shop). 

Well, between Christmas and New Year, we saw a small trailer that looked very interesting on C.L. I contacted the seller and it was about 6 minutes from the house. We had to go, *'just to look'. Yep, seemed pretty good, yep, we were the proud owners of a 2008 small travel trailer (now named Moon Dancer). 

It seems everyone we know has at least a fantasy of hitting the road with an RV. Let me say this: do your homework. It can be really complicated. After purchasing ours, I spent roughly 2 hours a day on Youtube watching videos that explained all the ways I could screw up the RV experience. 

Also, don't imagine you are going to save money with your own 'house on wheels'. Unless you normally stay at the Four Seasons, you will spend at least as much as you would at hotels, Air BnB, etc. 

Am I trying to warn you off? No! I don't regret our impulsive purchase. We are looking forward to a summer of wonderful escapes from the big city. The trips we've been on so far have been a blast!

*If you have ever gone 'just to look' at anything, you know I mean 'we are probably buying.