Even THINKING This Would Get You Horse Whipped in MY Day!

Okay, so during a service at my Unitarian church, Michael Servetus was mentioned as a guy (in history) that read the Bible and noticed there was no call for us to accept a "Holy Trinity" in our theology. So he printed a pamphlet to help people realize their mistake call "On The Errors of the Trinity". This promptly got him on the sh*t list of several people, and the Christian version of a fatwa was called as a response. Upshot: M.S. = BBQ

This got me to thinking about the things that have gotten people riled up to call for a lynching (or at least a sever beating) for offending the public's sensibilities.

Being an old guy, I search my memory for things that people held near and dear when I was a child. We are talking about the 50's here.

What I remember personally is this:

• "Whites and Blacks do not mix" (not talking about laundry here)
• There was a weird attitude towards "Jews". Tried to figure that one out, but never could make any sense of it.
• "Only people of low morals get divorced"
• I am pretty sure everybody "loved the lord with all their heart" at least in public.
• Homosexual people only existed in Europe

These are a few of the things things I remember. I'm sure generations before mine have other forms of behavior that were demanded from people in general. The further back you go, the sillier they seem. Yet, people lived and died on 'The Rules'.

Adventures in Chinese Food Delivery - Chicago Style

If you wonder where I got my work ethic, it was from the knowledge that if I wanted something, I could get it, but I would have to work for it.
I worked Saturdays on my father's used car lot to earn enough to buy a banana seat for my bicycle (age 9), and by age 11 I was ready for the big time: a job at the neighborhood supermarket. I got my Dad to front me in by telling them I was 13 when I was only 11. I had my growth spurt, so you couldn't tell. That was followed by a position as "Super Scooper" (I gave myself that name, even used it on my tax return) I might have earned $1/per hour, but it was probably less.

Finally I was 17 going into my last year of high school. I needed a job. My landlord, Clifford Royce got me in at this factory in Addison IL. We made things out of wire. I made it through the winter, then got fired that spring when I asked the owner for a raise.

The Shanghai Inn did a brisk delivery business in downtown Chicago, and they paid daily. Sounded good to me. So now, we present, a few adventures of *"Chinese Food Delivery Guy".

Howard Dong, the owner and bossman, handed me a menu and said "put this on your dashboard and you will never get a parking ticket". Being 17, I believed him, and that menu became my talisman that protected me from all harm: Parking tickets, mugging, etc. Just to be safe, I always parked as close to the door of the building as possible. This often meant double parking, but sometimes meant triple parking. I wasn't taking any unnecessary chances.

Among some of the fun times; Waiting at the main post office for someone to meet you and pick up their order. This was not desirable on account of those people NEVER tipped. One time I went with a big order and waited / /  and waited / / then decided  I must be in the wrong location and drove to the other end of the block. The guy I was waiting for came up to my window all out of breath screaming at me. "Didn't you hear me? I was yelling at you from down the block!!" He was furious. How could I hear him with my extra cool Blankeput radio going at 90db? I thought he was going to reach in and strangle me!

Then there was the time I was at the welfare hotel with an order. This was a place where the desk clerk was behind a thick window and you push your little green pieces of paper through a special slot, and they pushed your key back at you.
Well, there was somebody ahead of me, it was around midnight, so I patiently waited my turn. After about 5 minutes or so, he wandered away and I approached the window.
Two big church ladies were behind the glass.
They said "Did you SEE what that man did?!?"
I said "No mame, Shanghai Chinese Delivery"
Ignoring that, they replied : "He was pushing his Rodney at us through the change slot!"
Ignoring that, I said "Can I take this order up to the customer, or can you call them to come down?"
It was only later in the elevator their words sank in and I about pissed myself laughing.

There are dozens of stories from this time; cars catching fire, taxi cabs crashing into me and so on.

18 months of this nonsense without ever being robbed. Somehow in the back of my mind I knew the odds were stacking up against me. One bright sunny afternoon, I was walking across a field to a low income highrise when I was struck with a panic attack.

It was time to find a new career.






* I lost my publicist from the ice cream days, hence, no fancy titles with this one.